From the moment I laid my eyes on you I knew that our love would be the one to linger in my life.
This feeling I felt pierced my heart and the venom from that instantly stained my veins with thought of your touch.
The first time my flesh was bare in front of you; I saw the reaction my naked did to you, its been impossible to feel such comfort around anyone else.
Your lips fit inside of mine like a missing puzzle piece and since then I've not desired affection from anyone else.
I loved you so much for everything you were'nt and loving someone for what they are just isnt as passionate.
When your weighted body is on top of mine, the world stops and all my focus is forced to the pounding of your heart.
I've been tortured by the image of your body and I wake up in a panic at night remembering that you are not mine.
Just as you occupy every inch of my heart, someone else occupies yours making it incapable to love me.
I am yours. You're not mine.
_________________________________________________________________
Whoever you think I wrote that for, its a safe bet.
I went to see Teri last week and while talking with her I realized I need to be alone. I shared this thought with her and she was supportive of it. She told me that I need to contact Lucas and explain to him the situation, seemed fair.
I text Lucas and told him I loved him deeply but that at this time in my life I need to be alone, to grow. He agreed and we stopped talking.
I guess I could explain, again, why all of this is happening. There is this thought in my head that Lucas has not let go of a gal he use to date. My intuition has always been so strong and I always fight it.
I confronted Lucas about this feeling and he didnt deny it which in sense confirmed it. I quietly left his house and decided I need to eject myself from this situation before Tims wedding. Tim, Devins little brother who is good friends with Lucas, is getting married next weekend. Lucas will be there, of course, as well as his ex girlfriend. I understand ones love for their first love and how no one can take that spot in your heart but the pain of him wanting to be with her would kill me. So before the wedding, I cut off communication. I do not want to know if he spends time with her or miss's her or they get back together.
So, needless to say I am heartbroken but this is all very very good for me. I've been trying to force Lucas for so long to love me or want any inch of him to be with me and I cant. All I can do is let him go... let fate run its corse.
What I do know is that we somehow have this insane connection and if he is the only person I ever feel that for, I will be grateful to have felt it.
We once looked up our birthdays together in the relationship book and its was so true. It said that we have a "fate" like feel to our relationship and its serendipitous, we love each other deeply. We do love each other and thats never been the problem. The problem has been we are not ready. So I will go live my life and he will go live his and I am confidant that what is meant to be mine will not be withheld from me. Whether its him or not him, everything in my life will be perfect because I wont except anything less.
It was hard to get to this point but another thing that has been comforting me are other peoples love stories. Some, if not all, of the stories I'vd heard lately go to the tune of this:
They dated, decided that they needed to go separate ways but still kept in contact. A couple of years go by and they got back together and still, to this day, are together.
Its funny when we open our ears and hearts the confirmation we get that we are on the right track.
I am sure that Lucas will never set eyes on this blog (GOD PLEASE SAY HE WONT) but if he does please take one thing from it all:
My love for you in endless
I am here always
and if you are ever ready for me, I'll be ready for you.
Happy Valentines day everyone
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