It started at 12:00am last night as I was driving home from cosmic bowling. A little drunk mixed with diarrhea and extremely fed up I text the man I have been dating (and by dating I mean sleeping with because what man takes any woman serious these days). In short I told him I was worth more than just a "casual fuck" and I know saying it is only half the battle, believing it might just get a man to take me serious. ANYWAYS the outcome wasn't what I wanted. I wanted him to tell me that I was right and "yes dear, I will take you serious." This was the REAL outcome, "I treat you good". Oh thats right, you do. You treat me so good when Im naked and laying down but when I am not in front of you and mouth opens and words start spilling out you just dont know how to handle me.
This morning I woke up feeling hurt, alone and completely unloved. I pealed myself out of my bed, rolled into the bathroom and made myself somewhat ready for the mess of a day to come. I walked outside to my car to go to work. When I arrived at the driver side door to plop my happy ass in the seat my hand ran across egg... tears streamed out of my eyes. I just got dumped for the one millionth time last night and to confirm my thoughts, someone egged my car. I turned to my not so loving mother to comfort me which was mistake number one. Refer back to my first blog: my mom is skinny now so apparently that gives you leeway to lose your soul. She just told me that pay back is a bitch and she remembers a time not too long ago when I egged someone.
Broken down and blurry-eyed I drove to work praying to good a small child or car didn't cross my path. When I got to work all hopes of a normal, functional day was lost. Stefi was working... if I haven't told you about her, thank your lucky stars. In short, nothing was done. On the verge of a mental break down I went in the back to collect my thoughts and right when I saw my dear friend Brandi, I lost it. I blamed my crying on the rooms not being assigned to the massage therapists. She saw through it, I confessed my secret to her and left to wash my car.
I get to the car wash and it takes longer to get egg off than I thought, who fucking knew. A car pulls up behind me, waiting to get washed. I walk over to the driver and inform him that I will be awhile because I have been egged. He smiles, "Its ok, I am not in a hurry. Im just enjoying the view..."
The view of the foam flowing off my car, the view of 300s or the view of my ass and revealing shirt? Speechless and feeling less than I did 12 hours ago, I walked back to my car, open the door to get in, bashing my head on the side of my car getting in and drove off. Foaming was blowing in the wind as I sped off, crying again. Not even old men respect me. I swear I wear a "Kick Me" sign on my back sometimes.
Im broken down, beaten and just want to crawl into a hole until I meet someone worth spending time with. Am I alone in this?
