Ok since I only have one year left to get this life right, according to the mayan calendar, I will set some unrealistic goals for myself. BUT before I tell you my goals I guess I should explain what has been going on since we last spoke...
Ok, Alaska, I went crazy. I drank the whole time I was there and tried to be overly dramatic and pushed Lucas away. Is anyone surprised? Im not but maybe because I know myself a lot better than any of you. I stop sleeping with Skylar (19 years old now... ya I know) hmmm, Oh ya, meant the supposed man of my dreams before I left for Alaska, Nick, who had really little balls, going to law school at columbia and was hairy but wouldnt and hadnt ever grown out his beard. Ya, I love hairy men so that should have been my sign or maybe the sign that he never called me when he was in town? Meh, oh well I am not too worried about it. Refuse to leave my abusive extremely slender ex boyfriend alone. I text him from time to time and tell him I miss his wiener but thats only to reassure myself that a man will still text me back. Hmmm, oh ya started drinking heavily and when I drank while sad I would end up cutting myself? Thats normal. My mom called me and told me in order to live in SLC still I would need to
A. Go see a psychologist
B. go see her old shrink
6 months later and medicated I am happy to say that I do NOT hurt myself anymore and am starting to love myself again. I am trying to think if I am missing anything.......
Oh, No match.com I am not that desperate, yet, but maybe someday soon.
So by the time I am almost 25 I have accomplished the following:
1. Went crazy
2. Work at a job that I will never move up in
3. Got a boob job (life long goal)
4. Almost have my hair covering my nipples
5. Managed to run every man i love out of my life
6. Stop bitting my nails
7. Take pills everyday to insure my sanity
8. Almost have an associates degree
9. Stop thinking that shoes will cure my life
10. and my mom paid of my car
Ok, resolution #1. I guess I am getting to the age that I need to date someone who is AT LEAST 1 year OLDER than me. I decided I am doing myself a disservice by sleeping with "boys". I recently read the book "The Male Brain" and it has helped me see into the brain of men. It also has me convinced I should not consider getting married until I am over the age of 35.
#2. Stop telling my mom shit. Especially when it come to whom I'm seeing or lack there of. I would say its once a month I get a call from her telling me that she knows so and so who married so and so and they are the nicest guy. As she is yaping my ear off about this prince charming, who I should have been nice to, I know that he is screwing an overweight nurse behind is wife's back. Oh, Im sorry? I should have snatched him up? Ya fucking right. Hey mom, I am fine not being married. IF you ever read this, I do love you so much just stop telling me how I let all the good ones go. There are no more good ones.
#3. Stop telling myself that I loved so many men. I was telling my dear friend, Brandi, a story about how in love I was with this kid and she stopped me and said, "I feel like you have been in deep love with so many people in your life." It hit me like a ton of bricks, I totally have but then when I think about it none of them ever gave me an orgasm? Weird, thats totally not love.
#4. Pay attention to myself. I wont elaborate on that one.
And remember my fair jess b, a way to a mans heart is his stomach, not your vagina. hehe
Hmmm, I think I've pretty much touched every subject on my mind.
I might make this blog public soon and if I do please do not take offense to any of the things I've posted about you. I love you all in your own way.
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