Also, gods rejection is your protection but in this case it was not protecting me, its the man I am utterly and hopelessly in love with.
When I was 16 I met a man that was kind and soft. He was everything I didn't know I would want someday. When you are that young and careless you cant really appreciate something so golden and hidden from every lonely girl as age creeps up on us. I cannot express how hard it is to find a good /MAN/- noun: an adult human male. I feel it very necessary to provide all of you readers the definition of a man because most days woman only encounter /BOYS/- noun: a male child.
Ok, my english lesson is over and back to the man that set the bar so high that no other boy can reach...
He is getting married this weekend and it is ripping my heart out. I always thought that I would be the lucky one to call him mine for all time and eternity, in sickness and in health and he would make his body mine... nope. Some pathetic, wanna be me is going to slowly and quietly whisper those sacred vows to him on their day.
My biggest argument is that this woman is way too young to appreciate something so good. Not only that, her family doesn't hold social status such as mine does and if I remember his family correct, that is a big deal to them. The rumor mill is churning out such hideous and embarrassing stories such as...
- her family isn't paying for anything and his family wouldn't have such an event go without the best of the best. so her grimy ass gets a free ride, literally, down a beautiful crisp wedding isle on her in-laws dime. thats just distasteful not to mention tacky.
-when she went wedding dress shopping she picked the first wedding dress she tried on. this is a simple sign of an immature bride. what woman doesn't already have something stunning in mind? oh, its just the first thing your new partner will see you in symbolizing your worth to your husband. looks like she really cares about her worth... i bet it smells of moth balls
-she has black as one of her wedding colors. i know thats the latest trend and what the fuck not but seriously... black? a color that you wear to a funeral in respect of the deceased?
I feel that these are all very serious signs that he is miss placing his love and trust in the wrong girl. I was the one. Yes, i also was the one who fucked up but that doesnt mean that i've grown and truth be told he was always the one in the back of my mind.
So, now what is a girl to do in this situation? I cannot and will not call him and slap all of this in his face because I am sure that he is certain of his decision. I just need to let it go and I dont know why I am so positive that when they speak those words to each other and the pastor says, "you may now kiss your bride", i will be lost forever. pain will fill my heart and it will be locked away until the fateful day he comes back to me.
This situation has to be a movie that I can watch and take comfort in...
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