He is married. I was in my home town this weekend while he was getting married. I was getting drunk. Throwing up. Crying. Laughing. All in all it was a good weekend.
I dont know if I am the only one who is reading my blogs over and over (probably) but I need to write about someone other than the man I claim to be in love with, if there is one thing all of my followers must know about me is that I claim to be in love with anyone. Once, when I was 13, I was convinced me and Nick Carter, from backstreet boys, were going to get married because our birthdays were on the same day and that made us born in the week of the genius, Aquarius and extremely fickle. Another thing you should know, my mom thought the Birthday Book (based on astrology) was the bible so everyone I have ever liked has been judge upon this book as well as the relationship book. As if I couldnt cast my own judgement, ya I am the creepy girl that asks your birthday even if you ask to just buy me a drink. I need to figure this shit out... ANYWAYS-
I will give you pref history of this man wait, boy, that I think I am in love with. I met him through an emotionally abusive boyfriend, it was his little brothers best friend, and I immediately was attracted to this youngster and I cant really tell you why... maybe because he is younger than me and I cant help but adore younger men or maybe it was the fact that he was so open about how attracted he was to me or maybe it was the fact that I always caught him looking at me. One will never know my insane attraction to this guy not even myself so thats why I find it so hard to tell him goodbye.
Ok, I am totally getting side tracked. The first night we hung out was unexpected and dangerous, I was still talking to my ex. He took me into his room and as soon as the door was shut I dropped my pants and leaped on top of him. I started kissing him, trying to cocas him between my legs and he stopped me. Placing both of his hands on either side of my face he whispered, "I am not going to start it this way with you." I must have looked confused because he continued to explain, "this is how it happens with every girl and it never turns out right. This time I want it to be something more..."
From that moment on he had me. He still had me when Devin, my ex at the time, wanted to get back together and I started to consider this... the youngster told me that he didn't care if Devin found out because he liked me so much and wanted to be with me. I hid each of them from one another for about a month than I decided to go with Devin... long story short about that fucker- didnt work out.
So that leads me to this- I love the youngster. Its been about 4 years. 2 of those years not speaking because he had a girlfriend... that might be a lie. I did try to get him to come see me when they were together he would always respond saying, "you know how much I care about you and how attracted I am to you but I am with someone else." So, I tried to look on the bright side and tell myself atleast he was texting back?
They broke up and he found my number again. At this time in my life I was in love with someone else, it was totally one sided and please keep in mind I tell myself I love anyone, and brushed him aside. He kept trying to contact me and I ignored.
PRESENT (finally) He told me two nights ago, 5/9/2011, that he loved me. This pissed me off for two reason, one he was highly stoned and it was bad timing. Me, being the gal I am, take those 3 words very seriously. Let me compare it something that might trigger some fear in all my reads that you could relate too: I have AIDS. I have CANCER. I died...... endless, anyways, I LOVE YOU freaks the fuck out of me.
Now, the bad timing part. I just had my hopes and dreams stomped on when danny got married so this was leaving me very vulnerable. When the youngster said those words to me I started to cry, thank god all the lights were out, and it felt like I shit my heart out. Everything I ever said about him to anyone else, he told me he thought of me. It was amazing to finally have him tell me this after all these years and I felt like I could fly. Please, dont get your hopes up. Always expect the worst because than when you get the news and its not was bad as you thought, you wont be as disappointed.
He didnt text me the next day. I text him and asked him if things are weird between us now and his response... "why".
When I texted him today his response... "who is this"
Oh, only the girl you supposedly LOVE, fucker.
Now, here is my question to myself... how could I not absolutely despise those 3 words.
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